Thursday, August 18, 2005

Are you kidding me??????

What is it about Tampa Bay that they function like kryptonite on the New York Yankees? They’re like 25 games back, they have no shot at a postseason, and unless their owners start taking the team more seriously, they never will. But let them face New York in a game and all of a sudden they’re playing the best baseball they’ve ever played and the Yankees collapse in a confused pile. “Hey, uh, does one of you guys have the ball?”

Tampa Bay is one of those teams that nobody can really gloat if they lose, because damn, look at them. I mean how many mistakes can you make in one game? If the other team loses its because they’ve done something really stupid. LIKE WALKING IN THE WINNING RUN. I wonder if they made Proctor walk back to the hotel. (“Since you like WALKING so much!”)

I mean seriously, how do you not bang your head against a wall when in the 11th inning a Yankees pitcher walks in the winning run?

I hate it when Mo blows a save. For me, Mo is like Jeter – ball goes to him, everything’s going to be ok. It’s really jarring when it suddenly isn’t ok. Seriously. Like I begin to suspect that the world is an evil place and doubt my purpose in life.

Everybody learns that waking up and thinking “Gee, today should be an easy day” is the most effective way to guarantee that you will be riding into work with the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse. Kansas City are on a record breaking losing skid right now, and I hope to God the Yankees aren’t thinking, “well, after our beating by the White Sox, we’ll have Toronto, and pfft, Kansas City. Damn. Do I even need to show up for that series?” It was bad enough that they got swept by the Royals on the road, it will be completely embarrassing to get swept in their own house, and Kansas needs to start winning sometime.

Who knows, the good fairy of team spirit and October magic may come down and beat them with a bat, but I don’t think so. Jeter may succeed in convincing them that, no really, it’s much more fun to play good baseball and work in October, but it’s not looking like that. (Er suicide watch for Jeter in October? What will he do? He’s never had October off!)

It’s difficult for me to admit, but I almost don’t want them to go to the playoffs. Jeter, ARod, and Sheff haven’t had a day off unless they were sick or injured for the entire season. How much longer before they start swinging at the ball like it’s a piñata and they’re blindfolded? If a miracle is going to happen, it needs to happen immediately, and this team has already had more than it’s fair share of miracles this year. I will be the first to eat my words if they prove me wrong…(Please let them prove me wrong!)